My moment of "sanity"

I’ve been past the stage of burn-out for over a month now and I need to shape up. First, I want to purge the stuff holed up in my pit. Just a little. Just to get it out of my system. –I started to write something about how others may handle my situation, but I’m not others. I’m working on not comparing myself to others. Here I purge.

The past few months have been the hardest it has ever been in my near 16 years of parenting. I realized recently that it’s generally negative. It’s not all about fixing people’s mistakes but also looking at my own. I work really hard to keep up my helpful, positive attitude with students’ and the others that I work with or socialize with, but looking at something closer then that…hard work it is.

My friends tell me that I’m drawn to these “needy” types of situations. It’s true. As I look at my past two jobs, I’ve had to clean up the mess that my predecessors left the company in. But besides that, they’ve been jobs where I have to “save the day” a lot, whether it’s my mistake or others’. Do I have this superhero complex? Maybe. The task of a hero really starts to wear a person down. I guess you could sort of say I know how Superman must feel. Ok, perhaps I’m stretching it a little, but on my own scale of life, it makes perfect sense... Um…to be yet another type of hero. Hmmm. I’m not going to even go there right now.

Back on track here. With my long days of parenting + school + taking in a new person as part of our family + still being single but developing that relationship + my guilt of all the things I don’t have time for… It’s all hit a peak and I don’t like where I’ve been these past few weeks. Truly, deeply, I’m a happy person, but I’ve buried it with stresses. Here’s my effort at working on an attitude adjustment. Finding joy in the journey. I’m pulling the goodies out from the bag of life to say hello again. Ten little things that make me happy on a day to day basis.

1. Music. Nothing else does what music does to my spirit. I take it with me everywhere, but I don’t listen when I need it most which is first thing in the morning. I’m going to listen to music to begin my days.
2. Writing. It’s part of me. Has been as far back as I can remember. Sometimes it takes me a long time to finish a project so I put it off until I have time to give it my all. But when I don’t finish (and I often don’t) this only stretches out my anxiety of wanting to finish it. I will write something every day, even if it’s just a sentence, just to get in the habit of letting go of the anxiety.
3. Sense of Humor. I have a good one. Somewhere I learned to fear people. I’ve got to stop. That’s all there is to it.
4. Getting my hair done. As soon as things settle down, I’m heading to Ebony for a new Do.
5. Sleep. A good amount. Until school starts again, I’m sleeping in longer. Who cares what my hair looks like or if I have makeup on?! Well, I do, but I don’t want to for the next 8 weeks.
6. Friends. Call at least one a week. Sorry friends. I’ve sorely neglected you and I think it’s my biggest shame of all since starting summer break.
7. Giving gifts to my Adrian. It’s one of his 5 love languages and I seem to have forgotten that. I had gotten frustrated with the postal service so I just refused to send them again... Not fair to him… He is the innocent by-stander in al of this. Sorry Adrian.
8. Girls Time with my “not so” little girls. I’ve noticed lately the thrill that I get when Cheyanne, Ashlee and I spend time together outside of the house, just the 3 of us. I can see it in their face and sense it in their beings. That’s it. It’s a weekly date!
9. Going to the Gym. I actually enjoy going to the gym. But after losing my Gym partner, I lost the thrill. I will make it a point to find the thrill on my own …. (Inside joke)
10. Movies. I can’t think of a better way to fall asleep. It only takes me a few minutes, sometimes seconds, to fall asleep so it won’t be much of an inconvenience.

A better, happier me, here I come! Please keep me in Prayer..

Stay Blessed,