If Jesus was a Dad...

I have come to the conclusion that the bible doesn’t give me enough examples of parenting a teen. Proverbs offers excellent advice from a parent to a child, but I don’t imagine any child sitting around long enough listening. Say, for instance, Jesus had been a dad of a teen. I think I would be helped greatly in my Christian parenting by reading about his examples:

And on the seventh day Jesus calleth his daughter back on her cellphone, and saith, “Verily I say to thee, if you sayest “Whatever” to me and hangeth up on me, you shall live forever as a pillar of salt in the center of town.” And in that place, all the townspeople will gather with great amazement, and the young ones will say, “There goest Little One, a sinner such as I”, and the mothers and fathers will say amongst themselves, “It is good and right that this has happened as a lesson to the children of our loins who might choose to disrespectfully end phone calls with their forefathers.”

Soon after this, Jesus spoke to his daughter, and said, “Though you sayest to me that you have finished all your homework from the day you were absent from school, I lookest into the heart and see the truth is not in you. And so, in the days in which schools break for Springtime, and the semester grades appeareth in the mailboxes, there shall be great rejoicing among the young and lighthearted of the land. But you, however, will rend your clothes and lie on your bed of sorrow, cut off from the friendship of your youth, because of the error of your homework ways. And when I asketh why you have received a ‘C’ in Health class, remember your past transgressions and refraineth from saying to me, “I do not know. The teacher hateth me.”

I think Jesus would have been an excellent parent of teens.